The OneShots of Crack
by BleachxCaptainx901
Summary: This will be a station for my hat of doom, choosing pairings is its fate. Now enjoy :
1. First Impressions

**A/N:** So this is my first Bleach fic, hopefully many more to come :), but this is a purely random system of one-shots here, me literally picking them out of a hat and such, so it's all crack really. I listed about 61 characters on a paper, cut em, and then picked them out. I don't know how long in between updates, and I don't know how long each one-shot is, or how long this will go on to, so bare with me. Without further interruptions, here's chapter one.

NOTE: I do NOT own Bleach in any way or form, but If I did, their would be some kind of romance by now :D

**Characters:** **Yumichika x Luppi**

**Chapter One:** **First Impression**

'Who the HELL is that?' Yumichika thought admirably. It has been a long time since someone could rival Yumichika Ayasegawa in beauty, and he just found someone who could do just that. Yumichika was out resting from his previous spar with Ikkaku on Earth, when he noticed an odd spiritual pressure moving towards his location, one that could've been an Espada level, and it was closing in fast, so he shut off his reiatsu and hid in the branches of nearby trees. When his object of current attention came into view, his jaw nearly dropped at the person, no, arrancar, in front of him.

He could clearly see that the man had a lean, thin, frame, and that he was a few inches shorter than Yumichika. The man had pretty similar jet black hair, except the stranger's hair was a bit shorter, and more of a frame around his face, with a mask remnant of a top two teeth on his left side. Above his left eye was a small row of three purple-ish diamonds across the top of his eyebrow. His eyes were a lavender color, VERY similar to Yumichika's own eyes, which were a deeper purple, and his lips were in what seemed like a permanent smirk.

After his quick analyzation of the powerful arrancar, he quickly judged he should ran away as fast as he can, although he still wished he can watch a bit longer. Fate had different plans however, and Yumichika's plan was quickly foiled when he tried to shunpo away and the branch he was resting on snapped under his full weight. He fortunately landed on his feet, but unfortunately the arrancar immediately noticed his presence and darted to his position.

"What do we have here…" the arrancar sneered, "Could be so lucky to have found ANOTHER shinigami?" he mocked.

"It seems you have, _Espada_." Yumichika hissed back, "However, I have not come for a fight, I was simply minding my own business, when you happened to wander along into my beautiful presence!" he finished. The Espada was stunned for once in his short life. The man before him was right, he was quite beautiful, though he would never admit to anyone. He was still curious about the man though.

"I see then, _shinigami_, may I have the pleasure of at least knowing your name in our brief meeting?" The Espada had questioned, hoping he would get to know him a little bit.

Yumichika pondered it for a moment, then answered proudly "Yumichika Ayasegawa, fifth seat of Eleventh Division of the Gotei thirteen, and your name would be?"

The Espada smirked at Yumichika. "Luppi," he answered, "Luppi Antenor."

"Well then Luppi," Yumichika started, "Shall we go find a decent diner to eat at?"

"I can go for a bite to eat…" Luppi answered.

'This is going to be fun…'


	2. Company

**A/N:** So this is my second installment in my series of one-shots, and I find that writing, to me, is easier done while listening to a nice song to base it on. Although I'm not basing most of them on songs, it just seems that with a certain theme, a story is easier to write. I don't know, I'm just rambling now. Either way, here's chappie two of my one-shots of crack.

**Characters-**** Kira x Matsumoto**

**Chapter Two-**** Company**

Soul Society was hit hard by the betrayal of Aizen and his followers, Tosen and Gin. These squads weren't suffering the worst however. No, they may have no leader for the time being, and their work being piled up, but they were not the ones suffering the worst. The being with the worst pain at their betrayal was the usually loud and lazy Rangiku, now depressed and emotionally unstable. Although she didn't show it, she still had feelings for Gin, ever since he saved her from starving to death on the streets of Rukongai.

It has been at least a week since Matsumoto has come out of her current quarters, most people were now starting to worry if she might've killed herself to escape her emotional pain. The people who knew her best however, knew she was just drowning herself in sake and other alcoholic drinks. This was the main reason for Kira to try to talk to her. He was feeling hurt by Gin's actions as well, but still not near Matsumoto's level.

He arrived after 6 in the afternoon, right after he finished all of his paperwork, now doubled because of his captain's disappearance. 'I hope she's still awake so I can at least talk to her..' he thought sadly. Kira was one to bottle up his emotions, and then let it all out while he was either drunk or when he held too much in. He is almost always sulking while doing anything. Reading, paperwork, or fighting. Everything he did he had the same look of distance on him.

He knocked lightly three times. He could hear the feint noise of sobbing coming from the other side of the door, he knew that she would never answer the door to let them see her in a weak state. Reluctantly, he slowly opened the door, hoping he wouldn't be thrown out immediately, and walked in.

She looked up at the intruder with a murderous glare, but quickly replaced it with a sad smile upon knowing who it was. Her hair was a mess, her face tear-stained from hours of crying endlessly, and dozens of sake bottles and tissues alike strewn about on her floor, confirming suspicions of her drowning in the drink. He walked cautiously towards her, unsure of how he should start comforting the fellow lieutenant.

He gave her a look of knowing, as if he had been there, done that. She suddenly felt wary of herself, and very noticeably started to look at Kira as if she was a depressed, sick puppy who needed caring for while trying to get back on her feet.

The next words she uttered were what absolutely tore him open in his heart. She looked absolutely helpless as she said them. He was frozen on the spot, as her words pierced through him like daggers.

"Why does it hurt so bad? Why do I feel so numb?.." And that's all she said before she passed out from all of her consumption her sake.


End file.
